Today is a Gift

Each day is a gift, wouldn’t you agree? Living in the present is the gift! Yesterday is past and tomorrow is not promised so how do we live our best life with the days remaining. I think it’s being “present” with those we love.

I’m in what some call the sandwich generation. I’m a mom with adult aged children and parents that are living. I’m sandwiched between those who still need me based on their ages, those who don’t need me because they are adults, and those who really could need me if I gave them my time and attention. My children and my parents fall into all three of these categories depending on the day and time.

Each season of my life has shown me my gifts. Gifts within myself and gifts I have the capability to give. Let’s break it down.

My parents are aging

They are both retired. Living independently in the home I grew up in. Recently, they made the decision to sell their home and move to a one-level home so that conveniences like laundry, bedrooms and bathrooms would be easily accessible and should a need arise for zero entry then things would just be easier.

What I’m realizing is that I’m sandwiched in a season of mothering adult children and now my adult parents need me too. I run a business, I have four adult children and a husband who likes to hang out with me. I have no trouble filling my days and nights that is for sure but being present and available for those that I love is critical. It’s important for my relationships. Trust is built and maintained here and everyone needs a piece of me. Balancing all of the needs is a daily struggle I fight with and pray I can overcome daily.

No one has asked

Downsizing a home after residing there for over 45 years is a big task. A very big task. A home filled with treasures and possessions can take months and in some cases years to go through. My parents are in a season where moving sooner rather than later is better for everyone. Fighting stairs for daily essentials is becoming more of a problem so getting them settled in a one-level home is ultimately the best choice.

I have decided that to continue to support and encourage my parents with this move that I would volunteer a few hours a week to help them sort and organize their things. It has turned out to be a very satisfying watching my parents make decisions about things within their home. I’ve also been able to support them by organizing things and taking donations to the thrift stores and getting trash and broken things out of the property so they could focus on other tasks. It’s a small contribution, but I know it’s helping them.

I’m an organizer at heart

I love all the things in their place and a place for everything. When things are messy and disorganized I have this twitching sensation that makes me anxious. And I’m good at compartmentalizing things. One task at a time. I try very hard not be overwhelmed with the whole elephant, just one bite at a time. I’ve used the donate, bless, trash and sell boxes for other projects over the years and this approach has helped with keeping the task on track. It has also allowed my parents to see a progress to the decisions they are making. Allowing others to be blessed by your contributions is very fulfilling. Ultimately downsizing a 3 bedroom 2 story home with full basement and 2.5 stall garage down to a 2 bedroom ranch with no basement and 1 stall garage is a huge task. Letting go of material objects, projects, collectibles and furniture is a must.

Things Are Just That!

Material things are just that, things. Don’t get me wrong, I love heirlooms. I love the stories. I love the great craftsmanship. I love the history. But, realistically if the goal is to downsize from a 3+ bedroom home with a full basement and 2.5 stall garage to a 2 bedroom condo with no basement, limited closet and storage space and a 1-stall garage there are a lot of things that will need to be parted with. Setting up realistic goals for what you can give away to family, what you want to donate to charity and what things you have time to sell can be challenging tasks. Keeping a calendar or timeline of tasks will keep you on track. As an example if you have three months to pack up and clean your home using a calendar to fill in days with specific tasks that need completion before you vacate the space will help you use your time during the day wisely.

How much to get rid of? What do you plan to keep? What will fit in your new space? How many men (or men with horses) will it take to move all of these things? Just kidding about the horses but you get what I’m saying. We spend our lives acquiring possessions and filling our homes and then one day whether by choice or by necessity we are forced to let things go.

Stress is an understatement

Moving is a stressful time for people. One minute everything is important and should come along and the next minute nothing is important and everything can go. Keeping reasonable expectations on things is important. If you can set up a time to draw out a new house plan (use graph paper or just a piece of notebook paper) and try to use the current wants in the space that you are moving to it does help you better see the end result. I know that’s not always possible, but it is helpful. Sometimes floor plans are even provided by the realtor selling the new property and those can serve you well as you make decisions about what to keep and what to let go of.

Take a deep breathe

Tell yourself you are doing all you can with the information you currently have. Pause and consider yourself in the move. Assisting others can be stressful in ways never imaginable. There are always emotions right under the surface for all parties involved. Being patient and understanding is the best medicine. Here are a few questions to use when making decisions that are difficult.

• What things would be special enough to you to encourage you to pack and move it?
• In your mind’s eye picture each room in it’s current state and place these larger pieces of furniture into a new space. (Using the floor plan or hand drawn floor plan on paper will help here). For example, will the current bedroom set even fit?
• Will there be a need for dressers if there is a walk-in closet?
• Should the bookcase go into a different room to allow for additional space in the bedroom?
• Are we only packing it so it can stay in a box at the new address?
• Is there an absolute need for everything that is currently in this house to move to the new home?

Is this where the story comes into play?

If there’s excess furniture, I’d suggest making a list of the things that you could let go of. Check with extended family and friends to see if perhaps any of these pieces could bless another family member? Extra pieces of furniture always have a story. This is where the magic happens. Heirloom pieces are so special.

If the piece is an heirloom I’d encourage you to capture those truths. Ask them to write down the information on a piece of paper. Keep that note or pass it on with the item if it’s staying within the family. Handwriting is one of the most special and intimate parts of our lives. Just think how it could be a visual reminder someday of that loved one and what they meant to you. And unfortunately handwriting disappears as people age. This love note is more than just information about the history of an item, it’s love scribed line for line. Treasure it. Or take a video of your loved one describing the journey/story of this piece and share it via email with the recipient. A video love note.

Community Blessings

When looking over things to donate, think about if there is a charity that could handle the donation and use it for fundraising purposes? Do a google search within your community, you might be surprised what charities are searching and could benefit from these blessings. By gifting to the community it helps the ones that are letting go of things know that their gift is helping others. This can make a big impact on the receivers and the givers.

Remember one item at a time. You are doing great! Keep up the good work.